The Pura real parents interview – meet same same-sex parents Rachael and Ashleigh

It’s Pura’s mission to make life a little easier for others on this crazy but wonderful journey we call parenting. We want to create a Pura community where we can share stories and advice. This is why we’re running a series of interviews on the blog, chatting to real parents about their various experience.

Today we chat to same sex parents Rachael and Ashleigh a couple in their thirties. Rachael and Ashleigh have a two-and a-half-year-old daughter called Avery and a three-month-old son called River. Ashleigh gave birth to Avery and Rachael carried River.  

Thank you for taking the time to talk to us. Firstly, we have to ask, what’s the best part about being parents?  

The sheer unconditional love you feel. Nothing beats that feeling you get when they look at you and smile and seeing them meet their milestones as they grow.    

 Did you always know you both wanted children?  

Yes, we both always knew we wanted children. It was something that was extremely important to us both. We had ‘the kids’ conversation pretty early on in the relationship to make sure we were on the same page. If one of us didn’t want children that definitely would’ve been the end!   

We both knew we wanted to experience pregnancy and also experience having a child with a genetic connection, so we always planned that we would have at least two babies. We decided Ashleigh would go first as she is four years older.  

Do you know many other same sex parents?  

Honestly, not really! It was quite hard when we started our fertility journey as although we are friends with same-sex couples, we didn’t know anyone who had been through fertility treatment. We do have friends that are in same-sex relationships that have become step parents but none that have been through the process of trying to conceive.  

It meant we struggled to find information on how to get started and didn’t have anyone to ask for advice. We’ve since vowed to always be open and honest about our journey to parenthood in the hope it will help any other same-sex couples who are struggling to find information like we were.   

We have been able to connect with other same sex parents on Instagram which has been good. It’s refreshing seeing families online that are similar to ours.  

What has been the most challenging part about becoming parents?  

I’m (Rachael) quite a laid back person and usually just go with the flow which doesn’t really work when you have children - so I have found it a challenge trying to be more organised!   

Also how all-consuming it is, especially now we have two little ones under three. We don’t have a huge amount of help when it comes to childcare so it’s quite challenging not having much time to ourselves or to spend as a couple. Date nights look very different now than they used to - as we usually just do something in the house or take the kids along.   

What has surprised you the most about motherhood?  

It’s got to be how quickly the time goes and how fast they grow. Time moves in a whole new way when you’re a parent.   

Do you think it is more challenging for same sex parents?  

We haven’t really experienced any major challenges as same sex parents yet but I can see why it could be more challenging. We have had some negative comments on social media from a small minority of close-minded people and it breaks my heart to think of our children experiencing any negativity.  

I actually think being two women has its advantages as we understand what the other one is feeling and try to split the load equally which perhaps doesn’t happen in some heterosexual relationships.  

Do you have any advice for other same sex couples who are thinking about becoming parents?  

The process took a lot longer than we thought it would so I would consider that clinics might have waiting lists. I know the situation is meant to be changing - when it comes to NHS funding - but I’m not sure when that will come into effect. We had to fund the process entirely ourselves and it was very expensive – so bear that in mind and start saving if you are able to.  

Thank you Rachael and Ashleigh for taking the time to talk to us!

If you'd like to follow Rachael and Ashleigh on their parenting journey, give them a follow here: @taleofteomummys