The Pura real parents interview. Does my toddler have autism?

It’s Pura’s mission to make life a little easier for others on this crazy but wonderful journey we call parenting. We want to create a Pura community where we can share stories and advice. This is why we’re running a series of interviews on the blog, chatting to real parents about their various experience. 

Today we chat to Natalie, 39, who has a 12-year-old named Stanley and three-year-old twins Freddy and Denny. Freddy is awaiting an official autism diagnosis.  

When did Freddy start showing signs of autism?  

I think Freddy always showed some signs of autism, but it wasn’t something that I really picked up on until he was around two-years-old. He was a little slower in reaching milestones, which is fine as all children are different and will accomplish things when they are ready, but there were a few signs that there could be more to it. Rather than play with toys, he was more fascinated by how they worked. He has a major love for all things that spin and would spend his time sitting watching the washing machine. He would enjoy being upside down, spinning in circles and loved all things sensory-related especially lights and water [children with autism can typically engage in “stimming”, self-stimulating behaviours, which can include doing an action over and over or repeating the same sound several times].  

Freddy can also get very overwhelmed in situations and struggles to regulate. This can trigger a big emotional response which can be difficult to help him overcome. 

How easy has it been to get a diagnosis?  

We began the diagnosis journey when he was two. Although we have had several health professionals who have advised there is a strong likelihood that Freddy has autism, he’s now three and we are awaiting a paediatrician appointment for an official diagnosis. We have had many appointments, and attended many courses, to make sure we are covering everything in the hope it will speed up a diagnosis.  

What has been your response to learning that Freddy is likely to get an autism diagnosis? 

Although it didn’t come as a shock, it did validate a lot of things and reassured me that I wasn’t going mad! A diagnosis won’t change anything, but it will hopefully ensure he gets any additional support he needs as he gets older. 

Without an official diagnosis, it can sometimes leave you feeling like a fraud because you know your child has autism, but you haven’t actually been given that diagnosis.

What was the biggest obstacle you have overcome?  

Dealing with my own mental health has been tough. I've needed to be the best version of myself so I can offer Freddy what he needs and be his calm. As a parent, you often come last in caring for yourself and it’s only recently that I have been able to recognise that I needed to address my own emotions in order to positively help Freddy with his.

Being a single parent to three children is hard, especially when one potentially has autism. Helping the other children to understand what is happening and to understand Freddy has also been hard. Ensuring that all of my children have my time and focus has also been challenging. 

I think biggest thing we struggle with as a family are Freddy's emotions, he can have good moments in a day, but, more than often than not, he can be triggered to have many meltdowns and recognising the triggers that lead to these episodes are not always possible. There are times when things can be really tense and stressful so it's just about mentally preparing for those moments and learning how to overcome them.  

What advice would you offer to parents who think they may have an autistic child?  

Definitely raise any concerns you have. Remember, you know your child better than anyone. Attend as many courses, or sessions, as you are offered as they can be really useful.  

Having a child with autism helps you see the world differently, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Looking at the world through their eyes can seem confusing - but it's also beautiful. Make sure you look after yourself and take each day as it comes.  

What is your favourite part about being a parent?  

Watching them learn and discover new things. I think being parent has taught me sometimes it's good to tap into your inner child and just be silly with them and make memories.   

Thank you, Natalie, for taking the time to talk to us! 
If you'd like to follow on Natalie on parenting journey, you can do so here.